T-shirt

I just noticed that the back of my mocha club t-shirt said something on it and I really liked it...mainly because it is about Africa but also because it's how I feel.

"When I think of Africa, the following images immediately come to mind: Starvation AIDS. Child soldiers. Genocide. Sex SLaves. Orphans. From there, my thoughts naturally turn to how I can help, how I can make a difference. "I am needed here," I think. "They have so little, and I have so much." It's true, there are great tragedies playing out in Africa every day. There is often a level of suffering here that is unimaginable until you have seen it, and even then it is difficult to believe. But what is even harder is reconciling the challenges that many Africans face with the joy I see in those same people. It's a joy that comes from somewhere I cannot fathom, not within the framework that has been my life to this day.

The images spilling out of my television showed circumstances that could seemingly only equal misery, and I was fooled. I bought into the lie that circumstances define happiness. The truth is, in Africa I find hearts full of victory, indomitable spirits. In places where despair should thrive, instead I find adults dancing and singing, and children playing soccer with a ball crafted of tied up trash. Instead of payback, I find grace. Here, weekend getaways are not options to provide relief from the pains of daily life. Relationships and faith provide joy. Love is sovereign.

My new reality... I know now that my joy should have no regard for my circumstances. I'm ashamed by my lack of faith, but at the very same moment I am excited by my new pursuit. I'm forced to redefine the meaning of having much or having little. I'm uneasy with the prospect of change and of letting go, but just the thought of freedom is liberating. I want what I have learned to trickle down from my head into my heart- I no longer want to need to the "next thing" to have joy.

I'm not saying that Africa does not need our efforts. It absolutely does need out partnership. But for me, I've come to understand that I NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS ME. Why? Because it is Africa that has taught me that possessions in my hands will never be as valuable as peace in my heart. I've learned that I don't need what I have and that I have what I need. These are just a few of this continent's many lessons. I came here to serve and yet I've found that I have so much to lear, and Africa, with all its need, has much to teach me."

Oh, and go join Mocha Club. It's pretty sweet :)

Hmmm...

So... I haven't blogged in forever and I've been awake since really early so I figured I might as well.

 Life is pretty crazy as usual but I'm okay with that. I'm getting back on track with everything and I'm pretty happy about that. I'm reading Mother Teresa's book with a bunch of her letters to people and stuff. It's really good so far. It's been teaching me a lot. This is one of the passages that really got me:

"Now Father-since 49 or 50 this terrible sense of loss- this continual longing for God- which gives me that pain deep down in my heart. - Darkness is such that I really do not see- neither with my mind nor with my reason. - The place of God in my soul is blank.- There is no God in me.-When the pain of longing is so great- I just long & long for God- and then it is that I feel- He does not want me- He is not there.- ... God does not want me.- Sometimes- I just hear my own heart cry out- "My God" and nothing else comes.- The torture and pain I can't explain.-"

Yeah so she uses a lot of dashes in all of her writings. It's kinda hard to get used to but of well. Anyways...you would have to read a little of the book to see how all the darkness and stuff she was talking about really connected her with Jesus. But I think all the things she went through before she actually started helping the poor people in India is really cool. So you should read it. Ha. Yeah, so that's about all I can think about at the moment since I've been up since 6 this morning :/

Have I been hoping loud enough?

So I've just had a lot of random thoughts lately. 

First, I am not particularly enjoying the cold weather very much.  That makes me want to go to Malawi a lot right now. Unless it is snowing every day, I'm not a fan of winter too much.

Second, I've been thinking a lot about next year. One day last week I was just thinking about where I will be on this day exactly one year from now. It's just weird thinking that I could be across the world 6 months from now. I just wonder how different my life will be in a year and how much I will have changed, if any. Ah, it's weird thinking about that! At least it will be nice and toasty for Christmas in Africa :) 

Anyways... Christmas is in 7 days! I'm super excited! And I'm going to see the Nutcracker with my best friend! I've been waiting for basically ever to see this again! 

On another random note...

I really like oranges and pomegranates right now.

I've been in a " I want to listen to old music" kinda mood.

I wish the weather and my feet weren't so cold so I could wear flip flops now.

I want to learn to cook like the people on food network.

And I wish I could sleep for about two days and get really rested.

That's all for now :) 

Fantastic Weekend

my first post. enjoy :)

This has been a long awaited weekend! First of all, Pastor Henry and Deborah came in! Yay! Em, Will, and I and our parents got to meet them since we are planning on living in Malawi for a year. Exciting. Then all of the first Malawi team got together for a dinner at Dabney's beautiful house last night. It was fantastic hanging out with everyone and just laughing all night long. Never a dull moment with us :) Amb, Em, and I went to starbucks this morning in downtown franklin and just talked for an hour or two. Church this morning was awesome since Pastor Henry got to share his amazing testimony with us all. Now I love him even more than before, if possible.  Then Amberly and I ended up, of course, spending hours looking at clothes and whatnot at the mall and target. It was super fun. I love my girlies :)